Im not bad, im just drawn this way.

​My eyes opened to a man starring at me with a concerned look on his face.  Who is this guy?  What does he want and why cant i move?  Looking around i see a vitals monitor and an iv bag.  Shit, he is an EMT.  Shit, i am in the back of an ambulance.  Shit, shit, shit…i must have O’D.  

I didnt try to fuck my life up by using heroin, it just kind of happened.  I havent royally screwed my life up, i have a decent job, a car and a roof over my head.  It could be worse.  I have, however manage to blow through a small fortune, cause worry to those i love and most of the time im just keeping my head above water.  Heroin is why i cant have nice things.  Heroin is also the reason i almost died today.

There is a first time for everything and this was my first overdose.  In 15 years of using it had never happened to me.  Heroin’s deadly kiss had touched many people i knew and cared for, and for some it was their last kiss.  

I tried to convince the EMTs and police to let me out of the ambulance, i was fine.  I just wanted to go home.  Get in my car i was pulled from in a gas station parking lot, and go home.  I felt fine, hospitals arent my thing.  Besides, i had a boyfriend at home who was dope sick and needed some of the half gram in my purse the police somehow did not find.  I was being forced to go to the hospital…so off i went, strapped to a gurney.  

Overdosing for me wasnt like i thought it would maybe be like.  I had always thought i would feel it coming on, like some kind of warning would alert me.  Nope.  I got in my car and all of a sudden darkness.  Total blackness with no warning.  I could have died and i wouldnt have known the difference.  You would think an experience like this would make me stop. You would think i would wake up and realize the deadly game i was playing.  Nope.  Thats the thing with heroin, you dont think.  Its a friend thats always there.  Its a warm blanket when your cold.  It can make everything ok.  Until you have no more money to feed the beast, then it truly rears its ugly head, more on that later.  

I made it home to a very worried boyfriend and needless to say, we consumed the half gram, afterall why let good dope go to waste?